Rant upon Rant...
Ultrasensitivity of a believerBe very shy and have delicate feelings. Be greatly sensitive to beauty and ugliness; the first pleases you, while the second pains you. Also, be modest without being lowly and meek, or selfproud. If you demand less than what you deserve, you will receive what you deserve.
I remember When I first read that piece of advice from Imam Hassan al Banna I reflected on what exactly was important about sensitivity of our senses. If one is to just raise his head in the street he would not have to look far to see something that would consititute zina of the eye. So other than the fact that this type of use of the eye is considered a sin, what exactly is the harm that this action does to a believer?
Let me give you two extreme examples that can allow you to guage the importance of guarding your eye before I even explain my theories.
1) I remember back in the day I was at a particular conference and there were one of these marriage sessions, where the brothers were seperated from the sisters and all the brothers asked all these questions to the shuyukh about how to get married, what to look for in a wife, etc. One brother stood up, grabbed the mic and asked the shaykh: "Now I know that we are supposed to marry sisters who cover and wear hijab or whatever, but all the sisters who wear hijab are ugly."
2) One of my dear friends studied in Yemen for a long while, and while he was in Yemen I remember him telling me that almost every sister there would wear niqaab. While he was in the company of one of the shuyukh a brother came and asked the shaykh a question. He said to the shaykh that when he went to Hajj, the women obviously are not permitted to wear niqaab so their faces were exposed when they were making tawaaf around the ka'ba. He said that while he was making tawaf he would notice the faces of the women and he could not help but get aroused and so he was asking the shaykh about the acceptance of his tawaf in such a state because he could not help what he was feeling.
Now just reflect on these extremes and try to fathom the difference of sensitivity each person had to the opposite gender.
One person obviously sees nothing but fitna around them and as they see this fitna they cant help but set up standards as to what they want their future wife to look like. There was a study conducted earlier this year in which it was reported that an average woman thinks about her weight every 15 seconds. EVERY 15 SECONDS!! This 'standard' of beauty being setup by the media is a standard that is not even real, most of the actors have had some sort of enhancement done to their face or bodies, are wearing tons of makeup, and if that isnt enough the pictures are airbrushed and manipulated to create this 'perfect' body.
What happens when you go from a room which is dark to a room which is bright with light? Your eyes have to adjust right? But that initial sensitivity to the light is not something that lasts unless you protect your eyes from light again, and then the next time you see the light your eyes will once again have to readjust.
To me this is exactly what happens to people who do not lower their gaze and fall victim to the fitna around us. This desensitization leads to many many evils from thinking that a woman is ugly because she has covered her beauty up from public view, all the way to homosexuality which stems from oversaturation and indulgence of the senses to the point where nothing pleases you anymore and you want to 'experiment' with other curiousities you may have which you hope will quench your desires.
Imagine that in the East people men are having children way into their late fifties, while here in the West men are impotent by then and are getting their doctors to prescribe them drugs that can cure this problem. I have a theory that this is because of the desensitization in this society with regards to the senses being guarded, and this leading to these problems.
The lowering of our gaze is not just a physical lowering of the eyes, but is a state of being.
Constantly talking to the opposite gender and hanging out with them and having casual relationships with them leads to desensitization as well.
Imagine you are a guy who talks to women without guarding yourself with regards to your adab and content of the conversations, you would be desensitized to an extent regarding relationships with the opposite gender and may expect that your wife act a certain way that you are already comfortable with, and if she doesnt you would be dissappointed. This desensitization is extremely dangerous to me because I think many divorces happen because a person was not 'satisfied' with their spouse which comes from a particular definition of 'satisfaction' developed through over-interaction between the genders.
I mean, imagine a man looking at a model constantly and not lowering their gaze; this persons most likely not going to marry a model so then what? He is going to be disappointed in what he has because it isnt what he is used to seeing. While a man who lowers his gaze, and lives in a place where the beauty of a woman is not for public display, this person gets married and is satisfied with whatever Allah swt gives him because his standard of what beauty is is almost non existent other than his family and what he might occassionally notice around him.
Our souls need to be kept in a way that they will be extremely sensitive to beauty and ugliness, the beauty of Allah swt and the ugliness of disobedience.
I had been reflecting on what types of things I hear brothers say they are looking for in a spouse.
1) Someone who wears Hijab
2) Someone who is funny
3) Someone who likes the same things I do
4) Someone who prays 5 times a day
5) Someone who reads Quran all the time
etc
I have been thinking about exactly what it is that I want in a wife which can possibly guarantee the most good in that person. Like, what is it that I can find out about a sister that when I hear it I check off like 75% of what im looking for in a mother for my children.
Now I could marry a hafiza, but that would not safeguard her character as being soft and gentle. I could marry a daughter of a well known scholar of Islam expecting her to have been brought up knowing right from wrong but then what about the son of Nuh PBUH? I could marry one who wears hijab and jilbab and the works but would that safeguard that under all that cloth would be a woman who trembles at the thought of standing before Allah swt naked that Day?
The only thing that can possibly safeguard this is if the sister is devoted to the inner realm of her being, the purification of the heart by means described by the Quran and Sunnah, by focusing on the diseases that her heart contains and trying to estinguise them, she has consciously recognized the futility of action without ikhlas, the riyaa which is wearing hijab while not living it, and the vanity of action without sound knowledge.
posted by Iboo LaL @ 9:26 PM
Comments: 8
