A continuation...
Subhan Allah...The NY Rep made a post that included things in it that I was wanting to post about for about a week now, and I just didnt know how I wanted to tackle the particular thoughts I wished to express.
Then I read the post and it almost felt as if I wrote it since it covered much of what I was wanting to talk about.
Muhammed PBUH used to make dua to Allah swt that He swt protect our Nabi from a sudden death. I remember reading about that and I reflected on how hadhrat A'isha ra and the other wives of the Prophet PBUH, how bibi Faatima ra, how Abu Bakr Umar Uthman and Ali ra along with the other ashaab would have reacted had the Prophet PBUH died suddenly without any signs of his imminent death.
How terrible a thing that would be?
It would feel like it was dawn and you are expecting the sun to be there to brighten up the path which you have intended to take and that sun never came out, and you are left in the dark. Not just that, but it would feel as though you are already on a path following a guide and the guide suddenly disappears and you have no idea where to go since you have not prepared yourself to a point where you are self sufficient to guide yourself.
How lonely a feeling!
The pain of a sudden death is something I pray Allah protects me and you from, as I know that I would not want anyone in my fam or immediate circle of beloved brothers and sisters to die unexpectedly as this might devestate me.
But truely it was my going through the pain of a sudden death of this type that brought me to recognize the importance of every second of every day.
I remember I was asked to give a halaqa at a local masjid last year dealing with the rememberance of death. It was for the youth and these particular youth were some 'thuggs' who seemed very rough and tough. Yet I narrated this very story of what it was that awakened me and opened my eyes to the importance of our purpose on earth, and we all sat together and cried.
Many do not know this, but the Gandaghee project was manifested during a qiyam we had during Ramadan. One of the guys called Aatif and I and told us that his boys were not using Ramadan to remember Allah swt, and that he really didnt know what to do. He felt really depressed about it to the point where he was going to just leave these dudes and not come back, so we told him to come and hang with us. After hanging for a while we prayed and wrote a script prayed and then wrote another script, until finally we decided to go VA where those guys were and just Tableeki Jamaat style turn their place into a qiyam. The bro who was concerned asked me to lead salaah and give a short talk. I ended up talking about this very thing as well and the importance of good friendship. Again, it hit home to these kids and they recognized the importance of using each second of Ramadan wisely as you never know when your gonna go. Everyone knows they have to, but when you hear a real life story dealing with something like this then you can almost put your self in the position and internalize the pain suffered by another.
My clique of homies back in high school was not necessarily the type of guys who had a good influence on me. We used to go out and do dumb stuff, and the year I graduated we had gotten cars and we would drive around Bmore city and act a fool. We became a really really tight crew and you almost bet that any given night I was with these dudes doin it up.
Summer of 2000, I graduated High School and was on top of the world. I was driving back from somewhere I shouldnt have been, chillin with people I dont hang with anymore, and im driving my van. Im followin my boy cuz we're goin to DC from Bmore and I dont know how to get onto the highway and he is drivin like a maniac. I am tryin to keep up, and i dont notice the guy in front of me hit the breaks. I am certain ima hit em so I swerve to the left and skid. A car hits me from behind forcing me to hit the car in front of me and I swerve across the oncomming traffic. Allah decrees that there are cars coming across and so I swerve straight into the curb on the opposite side of the road. Im going so fast that I hit the curb, go airborn, and land in the grass beyond the curb. I wasnt wearing any seatbelt but I managed to hold on to the arm rest keeping myself from hitting the winshield.
I had never felt such a feeling of helplessness in my life.
When my car skid I had no control over anything that was going on, and it was clear to me that what Allah swt decreed was going to happen right then, and Allah swt had it written that I would come out unscathed. This was just the start of my summer car crash experiences that year.
So a week later I went to Houston to chill with my bro for a couple of weeks (he was living out there back then) and before I left I hung out with em one last time. A few days into my vacation I get a phone call like 8AM. Its one of my boys telling me that my homies who I hung out with so often had gotten into a serious car accident.
Driving was my boy Ade, shotgun was his cuzzin Waliy Rabb (Muslim), back left to right was Etiene, Varny, and Reese. At around 3AM Ade was going 120 MPH around a tight turn and he had been drinking. He ran straight into a tree, had no seat belt on so he flew straight through the winshield and died instantly. Waliy didnt have his seatbelt on either and his head hit the dash board so hard that his face was literally stuck to it. They had to cut his face off in order to get him out. Etiene had a huge gash in his neck and fractured his skull, Varny had numerous internal injuries to his organs and the impact knocked his teeth out, while Reese walked away from the crash nearly unharmed.
This devastated me.
Surely Allah swt protected me from this accident by placing me in Houston that day, because there was a 95% chance that if I was home, I woulda been with these dudes.
So by the time I get back, Ade had been buried (many of my friends were angry with me because I wasnt at the funeral until they found out I was out of town) Varny and Etiene had surgeries done and they were no longer critical, yet Waliy, the only Muslim in the crew other than me, was in a coma. His head had swollen up so big that you could not even recognize him and they did not think he was going to make it.
Now Waliy was Muslim, but did not know the smallest thing about the deen. He knew he was muslim because his father, who was in prison doing a long term bid, was muslim. I used to give em a little dawah but nothing super serious cuz obviously I wasnt really practicing my self.
As soon as I got back my dad and I went to visit him at Shock Trauma yet we got there too late to get in. Then we went again a few weeks later and found out that he had just been transferred to a NJ hospital closer to his family.
At this point I am so blown that I didnt get to see him, yet I continue treading through my life.
A few months go by and I get word that he has gotten out of the coma and is in a rehab facility in Jersey. Im thrilled, but still just moving with my life not thinking about reaching out to him or anything, thinking that he probably doesnt even remember me after all the brain damage.
About a year and some months go by, and my sister (who was still in high school) tells me that Waliy just moved back in town and is finishing up his school at the old high school. He was in a wheel chair and the brain damage had left him mentally challenged to a degree.
For some selfish reason I still didnt seek him out, probably because I felt guilty about not getting to see him when he was sick.
But one Jummah, after salaah I turn around and he is there! I could not believe it. I went to say salaams but it was so busy that by the time I got to the back he was already gone.
Apparently he had talked to one of his teachers, who was a muslimah, and told her that his iman was really low. He was really concerned about it so she had her husband hang out with him in order to get his spirits back up. He had brought him to jummah that day.
The next week I went to pick my sis up from school and I see him out front of the school. I jump outta the car thinking that this kid probably isnt even gonna recognize me yet he slowly is like 'heyy....my...man....ib..bu...whats goin on man?'
He said he needed a ride home and we talked on our way to his house. As he got out of the car I asked em if I would see em at Jummah that week. Slowly he responded in the negative, telling me that he had a surgery scheduled for his eye and that he wouldnt be able to make it. He told us to pray for him, and he left.
That weekend I find out that he died from complications in the surgery for his eye.
This was the final crack in my foundation of materialistic worldly existence and broke me out of the cocoon that formed over my being and the callus on top of my heart.
This kid knew NOTHING about this deen, absolutely minimal understanding of Islam yet he knew that Islam was the truth. His father had been in prison his entire life, and his mother wasnt Muslim, yet he maintained his identity. Then after all this pain and suffering in this dunya. He went from a kid who carried around a hair brush in school brushing his waves in between classes, to someone with a reconstructed face. After all this, as soon as he got his senses back the first thought he had was Allah swt. His relationship with Allah swt had deteriorated and he wanted that relationship to get stronger, and he sought out the means to mend the relationship when he did not even have legs that worked properly!! He wheeled his way to his teacher and he walkered his self to Jummah, and he died insha ALlah with Iman in his heart.
What will I say to Allah swt that day when Allah swt asks me why I did not reach out to Waliy and give him more dawah. I was blessed with a family who was all muslim who practiced Islam and had a culture of Islam yet I did not even try to bring him closer to Allah swt. Instead we shared in ignorance and I lowered myself knowing that I shouldnt, while he knew no better.
This guilt is something that fuels me till today as most certainly I will be held accountable for my heedlessness. I pray that Waliy forgives me for such selfishness, and that Allah swt judges me with His Mercy and not His Justice...ameen
How many of us have anything even CLOSE to this type of adversity in our lives?
How many of us fold after a minor bump in the road, angry with Allah swt, al Ghaniyyul Hameed, because He swt allowed us to go through such an insignificant harship?
The pain of a sudden death is most definitely a pain that none of us want to endure, but death is certain. Death is certain and life is not, so how can we possibly live for that which is not certain and ignore that which is most definitely on its way?
Allah is Truth, His Mercy is Truth, His Love is Truth, His Jannah is Truth, and His Jahannam is Truth. Ya Allah make us among those whom you love! Ya Allah make our good deeds heavy on the scales and make our bad deeds lighter than a feather that Day! Ya Allah make our paths blessed paths which end in Your Paradise!
Ya Allah accept Waliy's good deeds and erase all of his evil deeds! Ya Allah make his record honored and make him one of the siddeeqeen! Ya Allah make Waliy's grave an expansive garden of Paradise!!
Ameen.
posted by Iboo LaL @ 9:26 PM
Comments: 2
