Fee Sabeelillah...
To fathom the intensity of that statement, to understand the weight behind any action which has the foundation of being solely for the sake of Allah swt is strong enough to move mountains.The comfort of doing something solely for the sake of Allah is a comfort unmatched by any other intention. The comfort exends beyond the results of the action itself as if the result is measured as positive by you then you know its from Allah and the best for you and if the result is measured as negative by you then still, you know since this result was based on the premise of pleasing Allah swt then this pleasure is still gainable and hopefully attained and therefore the negative result is in and of itself in actuality a positive result.
The pain of my inability to do that which I wanna do with my life at this point is something which has filled me with stress for months now.
My intention when I entered school was to pay for school on my own, to avoid any type of help from anyone, and to not come any where near a loan. This was how I started, and this task was hopefully done solely to please Allah.
Now this goal of mine has forced me to quit school in the past for one semester, go to school part time for 2 years in order to maintain my 2 jobs, and ultimately lead me to still be in school with about 11 classes left which is approximately one year insha Allah, a 23 year old senior whose been out of high school for 6 years now.
Now I have absolutely no problem with my still being in school as this is what I brought on myself with my avoiding any riba, and Allah has blessed the past 6 years of my life with the ability to learn this deen to a comfortable level, to become involved in many different Islamic institutions and organizations, and gain an innummerable amount of friends along the way.
This barakah that was put in my time is no question from Allah swt, and has granted me a bit of comfort that Allah might actually be somewhat pleased with me.
Now as I finish up school i come to a crux in my life as my friends of my age are all moving past the school phase of their lives and are entering the establishment part of their life. I look around me and everyone is either married, getting married, or are of the younger aged set of friends I have.
So my inherent reaction to this newfound lonliness is obviously to go out and try to set something up of my own.
But in comes the test of my sincerity and devotion to Allah swt.
My financial situation and my still being in school, direct byproducts of my intention to stay out of a sin which would make me among those who has declared war against al Qaweeyun Azeez, is now being used to declare me as inable to continue with my own goals and plans of establishing my future.
I had planned that at 23 I would be here and be there and that this would happen and that that would happen, yet to someone I would speak to in order to begin this laying down of a foundation, now is no different than 3 years ago or even 5 years ago in their eyes. Im just an unstable, uncertain, irresponsible super senior who can not handle such a responsibility as planning for the future because look at me! Im still in school working jobs that I will ultimately quit as soon as I get into my field.
At first this put me into a sense of almost depression.
I just want to scream to everyone what ive done, how ive done it, and what type of roadblocks have been set up in my way that I have climbed over to even get to where I am today.
Dont they know that [Editted]
Dont they know that ...
and then I thought: I can go through an entire list of road blocks that ive faced of an even greater magnitude than the aforementioned one but...why?
I did this for the sake of Allah, Allah swt: Alimul ghaybi wash shahadah has put this difficult path ahead of me and I took it SOLELY to please Him azzawajal. So why should I feel down because some man is going to consider me unstable when the path which I am aspiring to stay on is the most stable of paths, the path that Allah swt has set up for me.
This is why when we do anything it has to be for the sake of Allah, because any stuggle, any toil and trouble is then known to be from Allah only to purify us further and to increase us in rank in Jannah, and so that Allah swt is pleased with us even more.
I pray that Allah swt makes my intentions pure, and never allows me to feel as though ive earned some sort of merit badge for taking a particular path, as if ive done something which earns anything from anyone here on earth...ameen
posted by Iboo LaL @ 8:51 AM
Comments: 4
