Marriage Post # 4- The Ideal Wife
Abu Hurairah (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust.This hadith details the reasons why any person gets married, and it also details all the qualities a man looks for in a wife, with the rasul PBUH telling us the best of the 4 things is the deen, but this does not mean you disregard the other 3 qualities of a wife and just focus on one.
In this post I will take you inside my detailed rating system on what I think makes an ideal wife. I am sharing this so that insha Allah you brothers can get an idea on what type of sister you want, while sisters can read this and recognize what it is that the brothers are actually looking for.
Each of the 4 categories is going to be accompanied by a percentage to show how important the particular quality is to complete an ideal sister, showing how important the category is when weighted against the other qualities. Then I have detailed the categories with intricacies on what exactly the category means to me in a realistic situation. Some may be surprised by what the deen category has in it, but it should be clear that the Prophet PBUH said that he was only sent to perfect the manners, meaning that the character and personality of a person is at the foundation of the person’s deen.
The status part is strictly preference and is not meant to put certain people down, rather its what I think is ideal for my situation.
1) Deen (60%)
Character (35%)
(1) Knows role of woman
(a) Second in command, active participant in household decisions
(b) Maintains the home
(c) Silatur Rahim (maintains relationships with inlaws, family, etc)
(d) Cooking
(i) Do not want a chef, just someone who takes pride in cooking
(ii) Cooks when there is no food, if there is not food then takes initiative to make food
(iii) Bonus
1. Can cook kichree, keema and andow ka achaar (hydro food)
(2) Modesty
(a) Does not just wear hijab, but lives hijab
(i) Scarf wrapped in a fashion that exhibits true knowledge of what modesty means (tight, around neck, etc)
(ii) Wears mostly Jilbab
(iii) Does not wear jeans revealing form
(iv) Bonus
1. Would wear niqaab if asked
(b) Does not hang out with non mahrem guys
(c) Does not keep herself ‘seen’ but rather stays in the shadows and is reserved
(3) Tongue
(a) Does not lie
(b) Does not curse
(c) Does not gossip/backbite
(d) Keeps tongue moist with adhkaar
(e) Keeps conversations with non mahrems brief
(f) Does not raise voice in public/private
(g) Non-confrontational
(h) Sensible in discussions (not argumentative)
(4) Heart
(a) Soft heart
(i) Cries often
(ii) Feels pain and suffering of others and is affected by it
(b) Purification
(i) Takes steps to purify heart (adhkaar, istighfaar, etc)
(ii) Actively pursues tazkiyyatun nafs (halaqaat, etc)
(5) Sense of Humor/Personality
(a) Understands my sense of humor
(b) Smiles…a lot
(c) Light-hearted
(d) Can actually tell a joke
(e) Not a cornball
(i) Sample conversation with a cornball
1. Me, “so then I was like, yo, wth are you doin? Your nuts!”
2. Her “what do you mean nuts? Whats that mean? Cashews?”
(f) Bonus(es)
(i) Watched Gandaghee, laughed at jokes
(ii) Is capable of making me laugh
(iii) Will not cry if I play a practical joke on em
(iv) Plays practical jokes on others
(v) Is not so fragile that if I make a joke of them that they will cry
(g) Personable, not afraid to meet new people
Quran (35%)
(1) Actively memorizing the Quran
(2) In the last year memorized at least a juzz
(3) Has enough knowledge of the Quran to teach it correctly IE tajweed rules
(4) Reads Quran regularly after Fajr (Surah Israa’ ayah 78)
(5) Listens to Quran (as opposed to music)
Salah (20%)
(1) Does not miss salah for any reason except for when they cant pray
(2) Has khushoo’ in salah
(3) Prays for love of Allah, not necessarily out of fear
(4) Fajr
(a) Has internal fajr clock (does not need me to wake em)
(b) Can not remember the last 2 times they missed fajr
(c) Stays up after fajr making dhikr/reading Quran (Surah Israa’ ayah 78)
(5) Bonus
(a) Regularly makes sunnah and nawafil
Arabic (10%)
(1) Has/is learning Arabic grammer (fusha)
(2) Recognizes the importance of knowing Arabic
(3) Willing to continue with education of Arabic
(4) Bonus
(a) Knows Arabic enough to read books and understand them
Status (20%)
(1) “Apple does not fall far from the tree”
(a) Mother (50%)
(1) Welcoming
(2) Quiet
(3) Simple
(4) Personable
(5) Maintains the house
(6) Wears Hijab
(7) Much much more
(b) Father (30%)
(1) Loving
(2) Humble
(3) Not-Superficial
(4) Encouraging
(5) Bonus
(a) Involved in community
(c) Lineage/family history (20%)
(1) Born in U.S. or at least lived here 5 years
(2) Family is Muslim for generations
(a) Bonus
(i) Hydro
(ii) Family friends/mutual family friends
3) Beauty (15%)
a) LOL…you really think I would discuss this here?
4) Property (5%)
a) Dependence on money
i) Has seen struggle
ii) Can survive without riches
iii) If necessary, willing to sacrifice comfort
iiii) Content with what they have (hadith of Ibrahim PBUH coming and visiting Ismael PBUH and saying "change your doormat"
b) Debt
i) Has little to no outstanding debt
c) Bonus
i) Has her own car!!!
posted by Iboo LaL @ 11:02 PM
Comments: 21
