Interest vs Compatibility
What is it that we feel like we need to almost be secretly interviewing anyone of the opposite gender who is a 'prospect' of any sorts?I mean, it is understandable at some level and acceptable to gauge how you might feel about a person IE the list. But the list has fallacies.
Yes, the list concept is not foolproof.
To me there is a 4 step process to marriage.
1) Search
2) Interest
3) Compatibility
4) Acceptance
This strategy is like a funnel because as you go farther into this process the closer you are to finding the right one, but each one of these steps has to be done correctly.
These steps can only work if done properly. That means that you don't reach out to a person directly, and if you are talking to them and develop an interest, that you do everything to cut off any casual contact that you might have with them or else you might develop some really gay elementary schoolish feelings type of garbage which can lead to narrowmindedness resulting in skewed logic.
Now I myself feel that there is a HUGE difference between the steps of interest and compatibility. Interest is something that can happen anywhere anytime and you can assess your interest rather easily, and can find out if the other party is interested just as easily. But some might think that compatibility can also be accessed as easily as interest.
Compatibility is a VERY delicate step and can only properly be assessed after both parties have convened properly, the environment is then controlled and clear, and direct questions are asked. If you think that you can assess whether or not you are compatilble with a person just by judging something they may have said in passing, then you are really really far off.
Say that your speaking online for instance. How can you judge a person's tone? What if the person is totally not understanding what your talking about and they are misinterpreting what you mean, and you think they are responding to something yet they are responding to something completely different, can you possibly hold their response against them? What if the person is talking to 6 people at the same time and they aren't even paying attention to what your sayin, and you are analyzing their every word? Can you really think that your gonna find out how a person reacts to particular situations by posing anecdotes and then assuming that the person understands completely the situation your setting up, and then you have somehow understood what you think is this person?
You can completely miss a person's true personality if you try and just figure them out through shallow online conversations, and this can be tragic sometimes as what you think a person is like can sometimes be extremely far from the truth. How can a person possibly defend themself then after you have a preconceived notion on how they are, based on some flimsy proof! It could ruin something that could possibly be a great thing.
If you want to find out about a person who is not necessarily in your local area then here is a hint: Ask someone who knows them or someone who knows someone who knows them!
Now I am brown, and I know that at least brown people for a FACT can find a BRAZILIAN different people who know another brown person anywhere in the US. So if you wanna know about how a person REALLY is, why don't you ask someone who knows em? Don't rely on your own intuition because there is a reason that the Prophet PBUH said that it is ok to say something bad about a person when you are approached about a person for marriage or business purposes. It reveals TRUE evidence on how a person is.
To think that you might actually be incorrect on what you think a person is truly like is something that should force a person to take the proper avenues, that if there is an interest, then you don't just rate compatibility on info that has a strong possibility of not being correct. You go all out in your research of you are serious, and you will be surprised how honest people can be when you ask em about someone you are interested in.
Someone you think is absolutely great can be revealed to have a terrible rep wa nauthubillah, and someone you think is really not compatible with you might actually show to be someone totally different.
Don't think that your gonna go at something that is this delicate on your own! It aint gonna work!
If any of you sisters ever need to know about any dude and how he is, then holler at me cuz I tend to know everyone or know someone who knows em. I got yalls back!!
posted by Iboo LaL @ 10:01 PM
Comments: 8
